Navigating Life After Separation:War, Collaboration, and Embracing Your Autonomy

by Julie A. Rohrig, Esq.

December 4, 2025

What is the best way to navigate the storm during a break-up? There is no single right answer for all situations, but let’s first explore what not to do.

I strongly urge you not to try and control your ex. Yes, I know—if they would just do everything you want them to do at the exact moment you want them to do it, everything would be okay, right? The reality is that the only person you have control over is yourself. Embracing your autonomy can serve you very well, and in this article, I am going to focus on what YOU can do for yourself.

1. Choose what matters most over your ego

There are so many petty actions that can fuel your ego in the moment but harm your endgame. Yes, it may temporarily feel good to take verbal shots at your ex or even respond to their verbal shots with your own insults. You may be hurting and maybe you want them to hurt too. Choosing to act on this impulse may feel good in the moment, but how do you think it is going to support a goal of successful co-parenting or working through that separation agreement? It won’t. If your ex is spewing animosity at you, you do not have to respond. Even though their words may be cutting you like a knife, it pays to stay calm. It is okay to let them sit alone with the insults they intended to use as a weapon, and you can walk away with your dignity.

2. Do not take everything as an attack

Sometimes when we are in a tough season of life, we can be more sensitive—Be aware of this. When your ex brings something up about a child you have together, I’d urge you to stop and think before you react. Yes, it is possible that they are trying to imply that you’ve done something wrong. Ultimately, you almost always will have a better outcome if you ignore the insults, intentional or not, and focus on what is best for your child. Your ex’s delivery may be terrible, but sometimes there is still some good information being conveyed. A good response may sound something like this, “Thank you for letting me know. I will talk with him about it.”.

3. Collaborate when possible

Collaboration can be very fulfilling when it is possible. In my opinion, it shows maturity and good character when you can collaborate with others in a way that is beneficial for everyone. “Often, to get something done that really matters to us, we need to work with people we don’t agree with or like or trust.” Kahane, A. (2017). Collaborating with the Enemy. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc. How do you get to a place where collaboration is possible? Focus on your common goals and see if your ex is willing to collaborate for that purpose. Your separation will likely be much easier this way.

4. Be strategic with your “war”

It takes two or more willing participants to collaborate. Sometimes your ex isn’t willing to take a seat at the table. There are other situations, such as couples with significant domestic violence history, where collaboration is not going to be appropriate. Sometimes the lack of collaboration is inconsequential, and it is best to walk away. Other times it is very consequential and worth escalating. By “escalating”, I do not mean that you personally should escalate in your temper by yelling or anything like that. That does not help. Remember, you cannot control anyone except for yourself, and the chance of you yelling your ex into agreeing with you is slim to none. Every situation is going to be unique, but if you are in a situation where there is an issue that you cannot ignore and cannot be successfully resolved on your own, it is probably a good idea to consult your family law attorney.

5. Keep your head up

This may be one of the most difficult times of your life. My advice to you is to try to do what is right, and keep your head up. You will get through this, and I am here to help.

Julie A. Rohrig is an attorney with Williams Law Office, PC located at 920 Kathy’s Way, Suite E, Greensburg, IN 47240. Phone: (812) 663-7601